After reading the Minghui article Letting Go of All Degrees of Hatred, I became aware of the many resentments I harbored, which surprised me, as I had thought of myself as being forgiving. I started to filter my thoughts so I could recognise and eliminate my resentments.
Then, I realised that when I was not happy, didn’t want to do something, or looked down on someone they were an outgrowth of resentment. It was shocking to learn that resentment could manifest in so many ways.
Tribulations Responsible for Getting Rid of Resentment
As I decided to get rid of this attachment, it became clear to me that many things that I had considered normal were in fact reflections of my deep resentment. Having been exposed and with it about to get eliminated, my resentment surfaced more intensely and frequently.
Right before the Dragon Boat Festival, my supervisor asked me to work during the national holidays. The workload was very heavy. My resentment flared up. My co-workers were not happy either but none dared to show it. I, however, fully displayed my annoyance in my expressions and attitude. I knew it wasn’t right, but I could not suppress it. Deep down, I still held tight to the substance of resentment.
When I tried to dry my hair, I found the dial on my blow dryer set to “warm” instead of “cool.” I immediately became upset with my daughter, “Such an annoying child. Never bothers to set the dial back after she uses my blow dryer.”
I caught myself as soon as the thought crossed my mind, “No. This is resentment. She didn’t do it on purpose, and is not annoying.” I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate my resentment and calmed down after a while. No longer angry and complaining, I finished drying my hair in a good mood.
My husband, who seemed to turn into an inspector all of a sudden, followed me around the kitchen and nitpicked all afternoon. I first wasn’t doing this right then wasn’t doing that right. The food I made didn’t taste good, and I didn’t put the pot away correctly. I just wasn’t doing anything right. Instead of helping, he busied himself fixing my “mistakes,” complaining the entire time.
I kept reminding myself, “He is helping me get rid of my resentment. I need to maintain my xinxing.” I didn’t pay attention to what he said, instead I focused on eliminating my resentment by sending righteous thoughts. I went along with him and kept sending strong righteous thoughts. “I don’t want resentment.”
Just like that, I remained calm and didn’t get angry. When I turned around as I walked out of the kitchen, I got a glimpse of his profile and saw a smile on his face.
If I had any luck stopping myself from making snappy comebacks before, I would have still been angry with him. Sometimes I just couldn’t maintain my good nature and started bickering with him right away. I regretted it afterward each time but fell into the trap again and again. It was so hard to get rid of my resentment and competitiveness. But, I didn’t get worked up at all this time.
Resentment Hindering Interpersonal Relations at Work
Everybody at work knows that I practice Falun Dafa, because I have clarified the truth to many co-workers over the years. I often felt that my co-workers talked about me behind my back, and some distanced themselves because they were afraid of being too close to me. The larger my suspicion, the more my co-workers acted that way. This made me very sad.
Gradually, I stopped greeting them when I arrived to work in the morning and didn’t sit with anybody at lunch. I distanced myself from others and felt lonely at work. It almost got to the point where I didn’t want to go to the cafeteria because I didn’t want to see anyone.
I sent strong righteous thoughts frequently to eliminate this suspicion until I realised it all stemmed from my resentment. If someone didn’t say “hi” or respond warmly to my greetings, or if my supervisor didn’t talk to me, or if I overheard someone saying my name over lunch, I resented them and felt that they didn’t understand or accept me because of my belief in Dafa.
I became quick to recognise these situations—when I felt unhappy, or not wanting to do a task, or didn’t like someone—I knew it was my resentment at play. I no longer cared who was right or who was wrong when a conflict arose or what the other person said or did—this was no longer important to me. I just focused on eliminating my resentment.
It took me less and less time to calm down, and when I did, the other person also became friendly as if nothing had happened. When my thoughts were righteous, everything around me was rectified, all thanks to the mighty power of Dafa.
Master said,
“Some people who do drugs say it’s okay and that it’s not a big deal for them to do drugs. Sure, it did feel pretty good. Do it again? Not a big deal. Do it one more time? Okay, now you can’t control it anymore. Why is it? After the substance is inhaled, it forms a thin and faint layer of you. One inhalation will do because it’s highly addictive. When you inhale it the second time, this thin and faint “you” becomes more substantial. Another inhalation will make it more substantial. More inhalations will make it more and more substantial and so it becomes stronger. It will have the complete composition and structure of your body, including your mind, and is a demonic “you” entirely composed of the drug.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference,” Team Blue Translation)
I realised that the “me” composed of resentment that had been accumulating day after day and life after life was already very substantial. It was so strong that it controlled my thoughts, my words, and my actions. Only when I firmly rejected and continuously eliminated it, could it disappear.
I started to eliminate my resentment whenever my mind was free—while cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, eating, walking, getting ready for bed. Although I didn’t feel any different at first, I believed that with each “Resentment elimination,” my resentment would be a little less. This substance could only decrease but not increase.
Resentment Led to Other Attachments
As I continuously eliminated my resentment, I started to recognise it in other forms as well. One of my relatives who suffered from a terminal illness just couldn’t make up his mind about Dafa. Although he did the exercises and studied the Fa, he couldn’t let go of his attachment to modern medicine. I resented him deeply without realising it.
I tried to let go of my sentimentality toward him, but it didn’t change his cultivation state. When I realised my resentment and eliminated it, I grew more compassionate toward him. Just think about how pitiful this life is?
The great Fa of the universe was right in front of him, yet he couldn’t truly obtain it.
Just the day I wrote this article, this relative of mine called and told me he was getting better. Two of his three tumors were no longer active and the third one shrank in size. He talked about his gradual change of heart, and how grateful he was toward Master.
I dug deeper still and found my resentment toward law enforcement officers which even surfaced whenever a police car drove by. I resented the community management workers who helped the police monitor and harass us. I resented the persecution campaign against Dafa. I resented those who didn’t listen or accept the truth about Dafa. I resented those who avoided me because of my faith. I resented and suspected that my co-workers monitored me. I resented fellow practitioners for writing super long sharing articles. I resented practitioners in my family who weren’t diligent. I eventually found that I even resented myself.
As I continuously eliminated my resentment, many of my other attachments such as competitiveness, jealousy, lust, the tendency to look down on others, self-blame, and fear, were all gone. Like the string that connected all other attachments, when I got rid of my resentment, other attachments on the string also disappeared.
I now feel peaceful and compassionate. As my attitude changed, people around me become nicer and things became smoother. I enjoy others’ company again both in personal life and at work. I maintain a friendly relationship with everybody, so I could clarify the truth to them when the time was right.
The practitioners in my family stopped complaining about me. Even when they do occasionally, I don’t take it to heart. I am more efficient at clarifying the truth—most people I talk to are ready to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) after I tell them about Dafa in a few sentences. I hardly ever run into people who are hostile or sarcastic any longer.
Master said,
“…everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples’ thoughts. Even though the old forces do exist, if you don’t have those thoughts they can’t do anything. When your righteous thoughts are strong enough the old forces can’t do a thing.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. II)
I have to cultivate myself well. The conscience of sentient beings can only be awakened when I cultivate myself well. I am even more determined to do the three things well.
(Clearwisdom)